What hurts the most

Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist

The surgery didn't hurt, I was out of it and they gave me great pain meds. When I got the news, it didn't hurt, maybe because I didn't believe it. It's the aftermath that they don't warn you about. There's no 'Doctor's orders' that they send you home with to help you deal with your everyday life.  There's no manual of how to feel when people refuse to acknowledge what has just happened. It's a daily struggle, but a beautiful struggle. You learn, and you learn quickly, who is in your support system and how many people care enough about you to reach out and tell you that they are there.

Today is 2 months. 2 months since we got the news. 2 months since a piece of my heart went missing.

Today, I had to place 335 greeting card orders at work. I had to manually enter 7/22 on all of them.  I was reminded, today, 335 times of my due date that will never be. 

But, today, as I open a book that was given to me by a friend with whom I had lost touch with, I am reminded of the pain I once felt, but the hope I have for the future. 

{Amy}